I'm back and i want to say straight away some things as i remember them.


Trying to work out the stages of my emotional cycles i attempted to self analyse my thoughts as they came to me. The thought that prompted this was awe and fascination, this then became the need to analyse, my mind relaxed and my thoughts blurred as music and thoughts of other people entered my mind i had to struggle to keep myself focused on my own thoughts, then i seeked an easier answer by re-considering an invention i had envisioned for helping with self analysis some time ago( the third person camera which i really should consider making a reality).

I saw my own vision of myself change from egotistical, to a state where i attempted to counter this egotistical state, to another counter measure of this feeling as i began to believe that counter measures were impairing my ability to think practically. This turned into paranoia ( i could feel my body change in this state.) The feeling then changed into a forced relaxation. I then began considering the next stage of my life and what I could do to respond to these discoveries. This is a good stage for me because it forces me to strive to make something useful of my time which then should lead to a pleasent egotism. I think i just passed that stage of action so im feeling fairly good now as expected, aloof and free. this feeling i then predict will lead to me feeling left behind, my superiority complex shattered as it is in a delicate state at that point. I'm trying to work out where the loop is in this cycle and i believe that I will return to awe after my ego is shattered because it is in this stage that it I am more open to things that would impress me, this is the stage that takes up around 90 percent of my life, so i eagerly await my next inspiration.

So there you go it is my first attempt at self analysis in trying to decifer the cycle that governs all our lives. I don't know if this cycle is correct but i do know that whatever the exact appearence of the cycle is, it occurs on more than one level, time is made up cycles, smaller cycles making up larger ones. Like walking around a sphere, its movement without going anywhere, this is the nature of eternity.

I would also like to say that i have considered the quest for happiness and why it is permanantly out of our reach, why we cannot remain happy and why the cycle pushes us to keep moving back into self destruction. Why we cannot be satisfied The reason is brutally simple and one i believe detirmines the nature of our existence. For something ot exist there must be a necessity, need allows for existence. So if the need is non-existent, the entity should cease to exist, this involves more than physical existence such as inventions. The point i am trying to get to is, is that whenever we achieve something in life be it the satisfaction of winning someone's affection or the pride of winning as a result of honest work, we then have it. The satisfaction or pride or comfort we achieve becomes ours, that which we need becomes ours. Because we no longer need the thing that we have earned however, it ceases to mean anything to us, or to seem to exist at all, after the immediate glory wears off. The journey begins again.

An argument to support my claim that something must have a need for it in order to exist is such: I am basing this argument on the generally accepted idea that we live in a universe where time and space are eternal yet obey laws that determine their behaviour. Even though there is time and space for any instance to become reality, it is not possible because laws determine what is impossible. For instance it is not possible for a fire to start in a vacuum, even though it is possible for the atoms to align themselves in a way that would appear like a fire it would not happen because the laws that determine need do not allow it. Laws are the need and a proven fact, our existence is the result of this need, and only the result.

Our own existence seems to defy these laws however, therefore there must be another purpose that serves as our need. This makes the existence of intlligent design evident. However, what need caused the creation of our own creator? There need not be a higher entity than our own creator and the reason is as follows: Whatever entity is responsible for our creation must exist on a pane of reality where time and space are not eternal. Only one state, one truth is present that satisfies its own existence. This must be true because if the creator existed on a pane that is transient than our own universe would shift in and out of existence the way our own personal needs change. The creator must be intelligent, at least on a higher level than us for us to have been created by them.

We'll ive tried to address two issues here, my own personal experience of cycles and how powerful the concept is in determining our lives and the nature of existence. I will probably update again once i gain inspiration.

Jeremy